A reflective, shamefully honest, humerous, and sometimes chaotic christian perspective on dealing with the storms of life and a second chance to fly again.
I am a 35 year old Christian wife to the man of my dreams (no really) and mother to two amazing boys, 18 and 13. For most of my life, I have been a walking contradiction. I have always had a strong tendency to be shy, quiet, and introverted. At the same time, I have also been very curious, obstinate, spirited, and opinionated person. I would be hesitant to defend myself, but tenacious in defense of others. I became a Christian at a very young age and I will never forget that moment when I became a new creation. Despite being a Christian, I have definitely made my share of mistakes and had a good deal of pain, heart-ache, and adversity.
At the age of 16 I became pregnant with my first son and married his father. I became a mother just after my 17th birthday. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I loved my son and have always loved being a mother. My desire was to be a good wife even though I was a young one and for us to prove all the statistics wrong. Despite my good intentions and efforts, my marriage increasingly became a dark, oppressive, prison. The physical and emotional abuse began even while I was pregnant. I, of course, kept it hidden as best as I could, but with each passing year it became more difficult to hide. The infidelity, verbal, physical, and sexual abuse lead me deeper into the pit and brought about such changes in me that I essentially ceased to exist. During a brief period of peace, I became pregnant with my second son. I allowed abuses to myself that I would never have tolerated someone doing to a dog. I was a walking dead person and I lived this way for 10 years despite everyone around me telling me to get out. I never once called the police. My heart and my spirit deteriorated to the point of realizing that if I stayed with him any longer, I would either be killed or die by my own hands. Finally, in 2000 we were separated and we divorced in 2002. Still, my journey back to the land of the living was far from over.
This blog will chronicle the years of abuse, my struggle to overcome its effects, and the ongoing process of learning how to live with Fibromyalgia. It is also about rediscovering myself, love, and the simple joys in life. It is intended first, to glorify God because without Him, I know without a doubt that I would not be here. It is also my sincere desire to help others through my experiences and testimony; to give them hope. I will endeavor to do so with the utmost realism and honesty because I believe one of the biggest mistakes a Christian can make is to try to appear perfect. I have just recently felt that I am far enough removed from that time in my life to be more objective, honest with myself, and emotionally ready to write about all I have been through. When I look back at all that has happened, I am in awe of God and how his hand…his plans…and his timing all have led to where I am today. I will at times also write about my beliefs, the church, and truths I have learned from the bible and my own experiences.
Disclaimer:
I will at times also write about my beliefs, the church, and truths I have learned from the bible and my own experiences. Just to inform my readers: this site is not intended for is to be a place of debate concerning the existence of God, the legitimacy of Jesus as the messiah, the validity of the bible, or my belief in Christianity. There are a billion and 1 (perhaps slightly exaggerated) blogs and web-sites that serve this purpose. If this is your desire then this blog is probably not for you. I will not engage in any dialogue that takes this approach because to do so would only serve to bog my posts down and detract from the blog’s intended purpose. If you feel you absolutely have to have a debate on the aforementioned subjects then please visit one of the many sites or blogs that deal with them. (There is a list with links on the left side of the main page under aplogetics.) My hope, my prayer, is that someone will find strength and hope within these pages.
I also have decided not to use anyone’s real name. I do not want to cause any type of embarrassment to my sons and I do not want to drag my ex’s name through the mud. I have done my best to forgive (it’s an ongoing process) and to keep moving forward on my journey.
If you wish to view a certain blog by category, there is a list on the upper left side of the main page.
