Things I will not surrender to Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

     When you live with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome every day there are so many things you find that you have to give up.  The activities and interests you once took for granted become a rarity at best and impossible at worst.  Even the basics of cooking and cleaning are at times too much to deal with.  There have been many times since I was diagnosed with FM that I have been in the dark pit of despair because of all the things I couldn’t do.  I have grieved for the Monica that once was and sat staring out the window at my husband working in the yard with tears streaming down my face.  Sometimes it feels like all my dreams will never come true.  Perhaps it’s true that I will not achieve all of my dreams, but there is no reason why I should give up.  Proverbs 13:12 says that “Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh it is a tree of life.  Note that it does not say IF the desire cometh, but when the desire cometh.  During the times when I have thought that my dreams, goals, and desires were impossible, it was too painful to bear.  I have literally been heart sick and it is my guess that anyone with FM has felt this way a time or two.  I have just recently been there because of having so much pain I couldn’t move.  This time I decided to think and focus on the things that I absolutely will not surrender to Fibromyalgia and Fatigue.  Here are some things, in no particular order, that I have decided to never surrender.

1.   I will not let FM diminish my faith or love for God.  I will not decide not to trust Him and seek His plan and purpose for my life.

2.   I will not lose my true identity to FM just because I am limited in what I can accomplish or be in one day.

3.   I will not allow Fibromyalgia to steal my zest for life, my mischievous nature, or my country girl ways.

4.  I will not become so self-absorbed because of the pain that I forget to reach out to others.

5.  I will not sit around and think that my situation is the worst situation to be in.  There are far worse things that happen to people in this world.

6.  I will not give up on my search to find the right combination of exercises that will help strengthen me instead of knocking me off my feet.

7.  I will not allow myself to stop feeling like a woman, beautiful, unique, valuable, and feminine. Does it really change anything if I sometimes move extremely slow, do not bother with makeup some days, and have done nothing but get a shower and lay on the couch all day? I will not stop being a wife to my husband for even a moment.

8.  I will not allow my illness to keep me from being involved in my sons’ lives even if I cannot be there for every single event.

9.  I will not give up on losing weight and getting healthier because doing so would at least bring some improvement. 

10.  I will not surrender my dream of building a log cabin on our farm and using it to help underprivileged or troubled youth.

11.  I will not give up my dream of having horses again and the ability to ride.

12.  I will not give up on my dream of traveling to Ireland, Scotland, & England even it means having to travel at a slower pace or alter our agenda for the day.

13.  I will not lose my sense of humor and wit even if sometimes I am the joke.

14.  I will not feel ashamed or self-conscious when in public because I move so slow and weird, people are staring, and 80 year olds are flying past me like they were an Amtrak and I was an old steam-engine.

15.  I will not give up on writing and getting published even when I can’t complete a sentence. 

16.  I will not be prevented from going back to college and getting my degree in education (English Lit) and minor in psychology.

17.  I will not stop working in my garden and enjoying my flowers.

18.  I will not surrender my vision of one day getting back to an athletic build and lifestyle.

19.  I will not stop hiking, playing in creeks and waterfalls, loving the outdoors.

20.  I will not feel guilt, shame, or worthless simply because some people in my life think I am just being lazy, over exaggerating my pain, being a hypochondriac, or just giving up when I am unable to do or be everything they think I should be able to do and be.

21.  I will not give up any of my goals, hopes and dreams or trying to accomplish them.

22.  I will not stop counting my blessings and being thankful for the people in my lives, all the gifts I’ve been given, and being given the choice and abilities to live life to the fullest and to make it better.

23.  I will not stop praying and believing for my healing, the healing of others, and a cure for Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

24.  In short, I will never give up hope because hope is what drives us forward even when we think we cannot possibly go on.

Fibromyalgia steals so much away from the person suffering from it that sometimes we focus too much on what we cannot do or be and not all the things we are still capable of.  I have days when I have been successful if I managed to get a shower that day.  Just two nights ago I lay in bed trying to explain to my husband the despair I was feeling when suddenly I blurted out “I just can’t give up on my dreams, it hurts too much.”  Tears just streamed down my face because I had finally got down to the bottom of what was making me so heart sick.  Jeremiah 29:11 states that God knows His thoughts toward us, plans to prosper us, not evil thoughts.  He has plans to give us hope and a future.  So many times this has been my creed and each time God has proved true to His word.  Not once has God ever failed in my life nor Has His Word ever proved untrue.  My hope and prayer is for you to take strength and comfort from this little exercise in coping.  Make your own list of what you will not surrender to Fibromyalgia and determine to never give up or lose hope.  Philippians 4:13 says “I can do ALL things through Christ which strengthens me”.  Determine to be a conqueror instead of letting Fibromyalgia conquer you.

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